This quote explains exactly what is going on in my life at the moment. I hope whatever it is I'm feeling, is just my own negative thoughts provoking me. I hope it's not true. I hope.
But this quote has given me doubts about my own relationship. Does he think this way? Is he with me because he's just afraid of being alone? Do I provide his ego satisfaction? All these questions can be answered optimistically or pessimistically and it's driving me crazy to think of the answer he might give.
Sometimes I feel pathetic about myself. Chasing and running after someone that had choose to leave me more than once. His reason? Because he's not good enough, he's a distraction for my studies, he hurts me too much, he makes me cry too often etc etc. Though all his reasons seem legit, it actually isn't. If he truly loves me, he would stay and make things work. Not the opposite. Leave and let things hanging by a thread that we once formed together. At times, I felt like he is making the right decision to leave. But few nanoseconds afterwards, I think it would just destroy me if he did. The thought of him being with someone else is just unbearable for me. I only see him with these eyes of mine. I can't be heartbroken again by someone I love. No, I refuse.
I also have this gut feeling that tells me he just doesn't want to have the burden of having a lover that is still 'young' and still new to the world, still yearning to enjoy the bits and pieces of the puzzle that is life. Somehow, from time to time I do understand why he wants to leave. But I know deep down inside me, I wouldn't want him to be away from me. Not an inch apart. I just love him too much. I really do.
His smile makes my day.
His eyes are the most beautiful sight I've seen.
His body is so magnetic.
His touch so addictive.
His hugs provide me with the feeling of security.
His love gives me hope.
He is everything I need.
So what is a girl like me to do in these kind of manipulative, life or death situations? God knows.
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